我是特朗普{"post":{"slug":"my-shit-trump","title":"我是特朗普","description":"","tags":[],"pinned":true,"draft":false,"published":"2026-08-21","readingMinutes":1,"updatedAt":"2026-08-23 02:28:34","views":0,"comments":0,"html":"\u003ciframe class=\"post-embed\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" loading=\"lazy\" title=\"嵌入内容\" srcdoc=\"\u003c!DOCTYPE html>\n\u003chtml lang="zh-CN">\n\u003chead>\n\u003cmeta charset="UTF-8">\n\u003cmeta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">\n\u003ctitle>总统专属 · 历史性一坨\u003c/title>\n\u003cstyle>\n html, body {\n margin: 0;\n padding: 0;\n background: #101820;\n min-height: 100%;\n }\n body {\n display: flex;\n flex-direction: column;\n align-items: center;\n justify-content: center;\n font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei', sans-serif;\n }\n .stage {\n background: #fff;\n border-radius: 12px;\n box-shadow: 0 12px 40px rgba(0,0,0,.5);\n margin: 24px 0;\n overflow: hidden;\n }\n svg {\n display: block;\n max-width: 100%;\n height: auto;\n }\n\u003c/style>\n\u003c/head>\n\u003cbody>\n\u003cdiv class="stage">\n\u003csvg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 800 880" width="800" height="880">\n \u003cdefs>\n \u003clinearGradient id="sky" x1="0" y1="0" x2="0" y2="1">\n \u003cstop offset="0" stop-color="#aee3ff"/>\n \u003cstop offset="1" stop-color="#fff4e0"/>\n \u003c/linearGradient>\n \u003clinearGradient id="ten" x1="0" y1="0" x2="0" y2="1">\n \u003cstop offset="0" stop-color="#f7c56b"/>\n \u003cstop offset="1" stop-color="#e8a54c"/>\n \u003c/linearGradient>\n \u003c/defs>\n\n \u003c!-- 舞台背景 + 聚光灯 -->\n \u003crect width="800" height="880" fill="url(#sky)"/>\n \u003cpolygon points="400,0 260,880 540,880" fill="#ffffff" opacity="0.16"/>\n \u003cellipse cx="400" cy="700" rx="360" ry="170" fill="#fff7d6" opacity="0.30"/>\n \u003c!-- 草地 -->\n \u003cpath d="M0,760 Q200,730 400,744 Q600,728 800,766 L800,880 L0,880 Z" fill="#6fca52"/>\n \u003cpath d="M0,775 Q220,752 420,770 Q620,786 800,770 L800,880 L0,880 Z" fill="#5cb13f"/>\n\n \u003c!-- 标题 -->\n \u003ctext x="400" y="58" text-anchor="middle" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="34" font-weight="bold" fill="#1c3f86">总统专属 · 历史性一坨\u003c/text>\n \u003ctext x="400" y="96" text-anchor="middle" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="19" fill="#8a5a20">—— 白宫特报 · 黄金出品 ——\u003c/text>\n\n \u003c!-- 台词气球 -->\n \u003cg>\n \u003cpath d="M52,52 h190 a14,14 0 0 1 14,14 v86 a14,14 0 0 1 -14,14 h-150 l-10,18 2,-18 h-30 a14,14 0 0 1 -14,-14 v-86 a14,14 0 0 1 14,-14 z" fill="#ffffff" stroke="#1e1e1e" stroke-width="3"/>\n \u003ctext x="148" y="90" text-anchor="middle" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="18" font-weight="bold" fill="#c62828">哦,这真的太棒了!\u003c/text>\n \u003ctext x="148" y="118" text-anchor="middle" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="18" font-weight="bold" fill="#c62828">巨大!没有人比我更会!\u003c/text>\n \u003ctext x="148" y="144" text-anchor="middle" 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opacity="0.7"/>\n\n \u003c!-- 吼字 -->\n \u003ctext x="118" y="200" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="20" font-weight="bold" fill="#c62828" transform="rotate(-12 118 200)">kKHAAA!!!\u003c/text>\n \u003ctext x="596" y="560" font-family="Arial,'Microsoft YaHei',sans-serif" font-size="16" fill="#7a4a24">「太平洋一样大的巨量」\u003c/text>\n\u003c/svg>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp style="color:#8fa3b8; font-size:13px; margin:0 0 20px;">白宫特报 · 全部内容纯属虚构恶搞\u003c/p>\n\u003cscript src="https://xyst.lol/embed-height.js">\u003c/script>\u003c/body>\n\u003c/html>\n\">\u003c/iframe>"}}